CoMpLiCaTeD rAnDoMnEsS

recipe for a perfect saturday

Sun, 13 Dec 2009 02:59:29 GMT

1. wake up early. (that's essential! or else you'll get nothing done.)

2. take your best friend (whom you haven't seen for over a month) out to breakfast at the town diner. let her dad think that she's going to be at school for a legit reason, e.g. an ROTC training session.

3. chat for two hours, while eating a spectacular meal prepared just the way your mother doesn't make it =), and realize that you don't have to be anywhere for another 30 minutes.

3. make a spontaneous trip to barnes & noble just to browse, and end up finding christmas presents.

4. drop off friend at school so the alibi is secure, and then go be responsible. do any saturday obligations like...teach piano lessons, for example.

5. plan a long detour home which includes passing by your other best friend's house.

6. stop by to say "hi" and get dragged into the house to stay for another hour and a half.

7. take a walk with your best friend around the neighborhood, even in the freezing cold and even if the two of you are just wearing pajamas.

8. finally drive home and get some homework done.

9. watch old episodes of your favorite show on comcast on demand.

10. end the day with another long conversation with a third friend who is up way past his bedtime.

how i think physics will go today

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 12:25:08 GMT

"you know what? your teaching methods are a joke. i haven't learned one thing in the class, and i think all my peers will agree with me on that. this whole curriculum you just threw together when you were half-drunk, on the brink of passing out in your own living room from your own lonelieness, is a travesty of the educational system that our parents pay bloody good money to put us through. you even admitted that you didn't want to be a teacher, right? you were just a failed engineer who couldn't get work anywhere else so you begged for a job at a private school where you knew you could just slack off and pretend to be someone important."

"so you don't have your homework for today?" *taps foot, crosses arms in front of chest*

"no, i'm so sorry. i'll have it to you tomorrow, i promise."

why i think i love words

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 06:05:33 GMT

i love words because words let me fall in love with you.

of course, i couldn't fall in love with the way you looked. i don't trust everything i see.

i didn't feel a spark of electricity when your eyes looked into mine or when our fingers first entwined. none of that ever happened.

all i had were words. your words. your lies, your sarcasm, your encouraging optimism. i put my faith in those words. i clung to them, rested on them, grasped them and held them tightly to my chest as if holding onto my last breath.

your words restored me. and i feel, as a damsel in distress, it is only the most miniscule recompense...if i devote my future to the one who saved my life. the english language.

~*~*~*~

ah, maybe a bit too...overboard? haha. but please forgive. it is early in the morning. and...i'm...err...

dance always makes me feel like writing. same thing with music. and writing always makes me want to dance or play music...aha. (which is why i can never hand in any paper on time =P.)

just came home from dance competition. haven't been to one of those in a while XP but now that i'm on designated driver duties, i have no choice but to attend all sorts of strange and peculiar events. especially at the worst times. (got back to the house after midnight. which is a slight problem in itself, but i'd rather not be taken to jail -- thank you very much -- so i won't explain that any further. btw papa was hiding out in the truck, sleeping. ...really? haha. that sure was a safe move on my dad's part since his bike was stolen from our driveway just last week =PPP.)

been on a sort of photo fetish. just lately. 'cuz i realized how rare it's become to take pics with my cellphone so i decided to balance it out by becoming a phone photographer again. d'love to tell the story of every day with pictures =) particularly today.

took a pic of one of the hallways in the school the dance competition was held in...oh, wait. photobucket!

i seem to have this thing for staircases that are out of the way or closed off. i really have no reason to be so infatuated with them haha. i guess i just keep thinking there's a secret portal that people are trying to hide...or...i think will parry found lyra belacqua after he climbed a set of stairs he wasn't sure of, didn't he? =) haha it's a his dark materials reference. anyways. i was in one of the state's biggest malls (if not THE biggest) a few days ago. my friend and i decided to take a shortcut instead of trying to find the escalator. i saw a sign that said "elevator", but it was all the way off to the side. took a chance anyway. our feet were tired. ended up braving it out through a winding corridor with no one else in it and then finding this weird staircase that had no "exit" sign. in fact, i don't even think it was finished. no paint, some holes here and there so we could clearly see the plumbing (?). and my friend told me we had to go back 'cuz we didn't even know which door to get out of. there weren't any numbers to distinguish floor levels and for all we knew, the doors could just lead to the outside. or even worse: the basement. and we could just be stuck down there with mannequins made out of living plastic! ehh another sci-fi reference haha.

before she pulled me out of there, i held my friend back to take a pic. erased her or else she'll kill me =P so that's what the white smudge is.

and last pic. (i was going to go all flashback-y and put up a picture of me in my first dance competition costume...but nah haha. i was tragic when it came to pictures back then.) weirded out by the fact that my former dance school was holding the competition. i've always been on the competitive side of things -- the stress of having hair perfect and making it stay perfect, practicing last-minute in the hallway, keeping in time with everyone else in the group, quick costume changes, not collapsing after doing a 3-minute performance "full-out", getting hotel reservations for the night so we could all stay up and have pillow fights together haha. i knew about carrying trophies and ribbons home, not giving them out to other dance studios. it was just weird for me. oh, and what was even weirder was that they were selling trophies for cheap.

guess how much.

if you can read sideways-ish, it tells ya right there. $15. and i actually witnessed a guy buy one! i've only had an urge to buy a trophy once. and that was when i found out there was a trophy store near my house, and i could have it engraved to say anything i wanted...

sooooo many possibilities XD.

but it's 2 am now. and i really should get to sleep. gotta wake up early later...important business to run. XP

i want to draw now

Thu, 09 Apr 2009 02:06:32 GMT

but maybe i'll hold myself back just this one time today.

isn't it amazing to have these things? where...the "artist" gives you a drawing you never asked for? (omg where is my notebook???) when...your student reminds you so much of your younger self. andrea really likes getting homework ^.^ and...when love is so much better than you ever hoped for.

my words are an OFF switch. they rebel unconsciously. they're begging to be contradicted by my actions. and my actions just acquiesce.

"there is no pleasure in life. only relief from pain." ok. the artist is being emo...

***10:09 pm

listening to music box dancer. meh. honestly, this guy is very stiff. looks stiff and sounds like a beginner. it could just be his song choice but...haha i totally get how it works on american idol now =PPP

so anyways. i think...i like being looked at with unbiased eyes. by people who don't know me, don't know what i can and cannot do. because they look at me like i'm some sort of superhero. no real disappointments yet. expectations aren't too high because i haven't "wow-ed" them yet. so i can easily amaze them and hold on to them for a little while longer while i amaze them some more.

...and why do people think that repeated "good" actions are going to be good every time? doesn't the law of proportional predictability that the universe operates on a fairly equal level. the chance of flipping a coin and having it land heads up is 50%. so...wouldn't any action have a 50/50 chance of being good or not? just because you know the outcome used to turn up good doesn't mean it will always be good. in fact, since you've had so many good experiences, the more likely result now should be bad to even it all out.

this is why i don't get you. you think things are permanent.

this is why i love you. you think you're the master of the coin =P.

***10:25 pm

listened to more of brad. not bad. but terrible singer haha sorry.

i thought that i would never mean anything until i became a part of someone's story, a funny little anecdote they tell at cocktail parties or inspiring meetings of great minds.

like...

"oh, i met this young lady today and you should have heard her play the piano! she was absolutely spectacular! oh, you should have heard her trills and her rolling arpeggios i mean MY GOD this girl was brilliant! amazing! wonderful! as she finished her tear-jerking beautiful sonata, the audience was just moved to give her a standing ovation by some primal instinct in our souls and..."

you know. that sort of over-the-top stuff. haha. actually, i'd prefer some not so over the top. but that's ok, too ^.^

but you know what? it's alright. i wouldn't mind if i wasn't famous at all. because i know i'm a part of someone's story. yours =) and i'd gladly trade a standing ovation and all the plaques and commemorative statues in the world for your hand to grasp mine when i'm lonely. no one cares about who did what in the world. i don't want to become just a famous name. it's harder to hold on to your heart than to be the best pianist in the world, and i like challenges.

***10:36 pm

how'd i stuck between the top of my ladder and the bottom of yours?

get here =(

story starters

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 02:20:53 GMT

aw bless!

i'll take care of you.

imagine all the things i could do to you

for vanity

Wed, 26 Nov 2008 01:01:56 GMT

people need to say they do good deeds just to look good. and if you are doing something for the right reasons, it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks anyway.

i meant to start off this blog with the thing that's been worrying me the most this morning: my new tutoree. didn't really plan that "words from a wise cynic" thing. but...hmm. words from a wise cynic...is saying "wise cynic" redundant? XP

to get back on track -- i think i am pretty vain, endeavoring to tutor katie in spanish. i'm hoping i can really make a difference. to both katie (because i have so much confidence in my mad linguistic skillz) *and* my teacher who asked the class if anyone could help her out. i think senora vazquez needs someone to give her hope, nay REMIND her, that no student is incapable of learning.

and apparently, i think i'm the person who can do that. (could this just be another half-assed project that i get so excited about but never finish? could this be me trying to make up for the mistakes i've made in my own spanish class? ...like i said. no one really needs to know why you do something good if you know it in your heart. people who promote decreasing pollution just so they look like they care about the environment are STILL helping out the cause.) no one else in the class raised her hand. maybe things would have been different if someone had.

i get this sense of overwhelming pride. it's the vanity. it's like...getting passed the glass jar that has a freakishly tight lid on. the other people who've tried to unscrew the lid failed miserably while you watched on in anxiousness, all the while thinking, "oh! oh! pass it to me! i could totally open that if you let me at it...". and then you finally get the jar. and you're like "yes! it's my turn now. watch me open this thing." when you get the lid in one hand and the opened glass jar in the other, a wave of accomplishment washes over you as if you just reached the summit of mount everest.

and everyone does this =P. haha. it's an intrinsic trait that somehow society's developed. everyone wants to prove they're worth something. even something as simple as being the only one who could open that jar that one time. everyone wants to mean something to another person. everyone wants to be important.

i want to be important.

you say...i only hear what i want

Mon, 24 Nov 2008 12:42:22 GMT

i think.

watson used to be quite clever. (i mean...he *is* a doctor.) but after years of palling around with holmes, he gave up. at first, he was amazed and enjoyed being stupefied by holmes' brilliant deductions. but at least, he gave his opinions on cases. soon, holmes took over both of their intelligence quotas put together. not enough room in their friendship for two brains AND holmes's ego =P

what if.

just for once, the conversation went like this.

HOLMES: elementary, my dear watson!
WATSON: are you inferring that i am too thick to comprehend even the most mediocre problem, holmes? IS it elementary? is it so elementary that anyone couldn't have figured it out? why do people call on your services then? hmm? stop saying everything is easy for you.
HOLMES: *evil glare*

anyways. late for school. bleh. g2g.

kidding me??? (a quick rant)

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 02:42:06 GMT

I SWEAR!

this is why i hate 24/7 news channels!

***just after flipping the channel to such a station***
guy at the desk: wow. so you can just see green?
me thinking: ...uhh...the democrats are blue, the republicans are red. what the hell are you talking about???
guy standing in front of a green screen: yah.
me thinking: idiot.
guy at the desk: oh. so we can see it better than you can? all you see is the green screen...
me thinking: oh. sorry. not idiots. sorry, sorry, sorry!
green screen guy: *chuckles*
me thinking: ...wait. is this just idle chatter...?
guy at the desk: *keeps praising green screen guy* wow, you're so good knowing where to point and stuff.
me thinking: ...oh, god, this is beyond idiotic. where's your focus, people?!

(and then they were done with green screen guy, and the desk guy must have been surprised or caught off guard.)

guy at the desk: oh...sooooo where were we?
me thinking: why do i even bother?
***

now i know that 24/7 news channels must have...some sort of purpose :-P but personally, i think they can do more harm than good. there ISN'T enough news to fill up 24 hours of television, 7 days a week. there really isn't.

stations will try to get quite intelligent analysts to speak on a topic. and for trying to share well-informed opinions with the public, i commend the news stations. but to fill up time, these smart, educated thinkers will start rambling and talking nonsense. there's only a certain amount of time a people can talk before they can't think of anything else to say.

generally, that's what happens with news stories. they become overanalyzed, overly discussed. small things turn into big deals just because the news channels have to fill up more time. (the opposite happens as well. when there are a lot of major stories happening in the same time period, the news show producers have to prioritize and pick which one will get covered more. then the other ones will get less air time than they usually would had there not been this other *bigger* thing happening at the same time.)

and the public can react in two ways. #1 they can get sick and tired of hearing the same old news again and again. important phrases that would have made great newspaper headlines more than half a century ago become so cliche. and the stories just get old and forgotten. they'd be more interested in what's for dinner tonight than spend ANOTHER day talking about the stock market or the state of our economy...when they really should be more affected by it.

or #2. the public can get so obsessed with following updates on a trivial news story that they forget everything else. or they let this news story affect their everyday lives. that's what happened with all the kidnappings in the last few decades. (thank goodness, we don't hear as many as we used to before!) parents don't let their kids go outside of the house because they're so afraid of kidnappings. if they paid more attention to the statistics and less time having their eyes glued to the news on tv, they'd see that the number of kidnappings have been going down. back in the 50s, 60s, 70s, children were in greater danger than they are now. but they didn't report that. parents didn't hear about it on the news. why? because there were no 24/7 news channels!

the 24/7 news channels have created a society made up of paranoid, delusional, ill-informed people who hang on reporters' words with either too much criticism or not enough.

here, i say "less is more." these stations have their time and place. but i don't think that their time should be 24 hours, 7 days a week...unless a certain news story calls for constant coverage. (but i'll only allow that once a month.) and at that time, what we need are coherent news reporters to hold our attention with real, reliable facts and strong, supported opinions.

only THEN will i really appreciate the purpose of 24/7 news channels.
***

(wow, it feels good getting back to unrestrained ranting. but i should be getting back to my homework now XP...and more power to you if you got through all of that!! i really only planned on writing the stupid conversation up at the top i had with the tv. ok, thanks.)

the result of watching too many youchoob vids @_@

Sun, 02 Nov 2008 16:29:51 GMT

so yah. i *may* be taking my blog to the next level: the VLOG. (dun dun duuuuuuuuunn!) something i've always wanted to do for a while now ^.^ a podcast, a radio show...something. but that's still in the works. and by "in the works", i mean that it's one of the many projects i've been psyched about but never have the time, resources, or determination =P to go through with.

for one. my webcam doesn't feel like working for me anymore. not after accidentally dropping it on the floor >_> <_< ...and! i think i need a real camera. a digital camera. because i can't even edit the video my webcam shot. the audio works fine, but the actual vid part goes too fast and...it's all bleh.

anyways! i shall postpone my vlogging dream until i get meself a proper camera. =)

on another note...yesterday was the start of NaNoWriMo. this huuuuuge writing contest, which i've just recently found out is worldwide...how naive i am XP. i tried last year, but gave up really early =P. not enough time, i'm tellin' ya! and so i haven't even considered doing it this year what with all the homework i have to catch up on...and a new project "in the works" XD. someone i know in school's doing it this year, so best of luck to her. i think she has to write about 175 pages, if i remember correctly...but usually, i don't.

the whole NaNoWriMo thing gets me in that writer's mood, you know? when...you hear snippets of conversations from other people here and there, and you automatically think, "wow! that's great dialogue! i could work that into a story...". or. you just start narrating your world as you see it, and your descriptions just sound so good in your head that you ***have*** to write them down.

as i looked out the dusty and broken window, i could see my reflection and past that, the green, green grass calling, waving oh so carelessly.

(well, that was a stupid example =P. but then again, i'm not in writing mode. more in blogging/ranting mode.)

similes and metaphors come to your head so easily, and they're the most imaginative things you've ever had the fortune to think up =). it's spectacular! i call it my writing high.

*sigh* memories of writing haha...*snaps out of it* oh! gotta go to church. when i come back (and if i feel like procrastinating on my homework which...i'm trying hard not to =P), i think i'm gonna take a leaf out of my 10-page name essay.

you need a little faith in humankind ::happy frown::

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 13:59:14 GMT

aww. *sigh*. maybe i'll start blogging again.

when i hear stories of people who...live absolutely incredible lives, and they're not just for show...it really makes me want to change. change the way i see other people, change the way i think and have been thinking for months. the whole world isn't miserable. the cynics who think they know everything because they know all about inconvenient truths aren't always right. the paranoiacs who don't trust in anyone else but themselves aren't the safest.

tv shows and movies usually show the darker side of things. they always have the cynics and the paranoiacs pointing fingers at the hero, saying "i told you so! you can't win your battles. you need to learn what reality is." and to make the hard, depressing point really sink in, the hero doesn't get the happy ending everyone hopes for. happy endings are so cliche for modern society. we want to see "the truth". if everything's perfect, then it's not real...right? (i know i subscribed to that theory. most of the stories i write don't have that clear-cut perfect ending. they usually have characters struggling past the end of the last chapter. no resolution. or if there is a resolution, it's the one you didn't want because i used to think that was more satisfying than having an ending that was too good to be true.)

well, now i'm starting to think that things can be perfect without being fake =)

people aren't always liars and cheats, and they don't have ulterior motives. what you see is what you get. and what you get is amazing, spectacular, mind-blowingly brilliant! ^.^

there really are people out there who write silly little love notes without being naive. there are people who will see a homeless person out on the cold street and give him or her a warm blanket and some food. there are people who see criminals and will lend them money if they need it instead of blowing them off because they think people who commit felonies don't deserve kindness or can't be trusted anymore.

my favorite example is that there are people who will confide in a stranger all of their secrets, share this strange connection that can't be explained, and walk away feeling so much better after that encounter. and that there are strangers who leave behind surprises for those people to find: a token of gratitude, a memento that says "i'm still here."

peacemakers and good people shouldn't be scorned. and i think from now on, i'll add a twist at the end of my stories. i'll end them with a happily ever after.

Posted using TxtLJ

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 18:23:27 GMT

i choose to reject things that make sense.

Posted using TxtLJ

Sat, 06 Sep 2008 23:12:22 GMT

711 its been raining for hours and its still pouring. roads closed because of flooding. fields are literally underwater. god...great day for a party.

Posted using TxtLJ

Thu, 04 Sep 2008 18:12:03 GMT

the way the road shined and glittered in the sunlight reminded me of a path of black sand we've walked along on a beach too far away now...

Posted using TxtLJ

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 15:21:10 GMT

morning. just arrived in detroit. another two hours until i'm back home.

Posted using TxtLJ

Sun, 24 Aug 2008 12:57:41 GMT

tama na. sino si la? in the airport now. no sleep last night =P

Posted using TxtLJ

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 18:03:25 GMT

"you're just making yourself sound smart so he'll get off of you!" walking in at the wrong part of a conversation =P haha!

Posted using TxtLJ

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 19:45:45 GMT

jestoni and derick blue are getting psyched over thomas the tank engine toys...god, i'm having fun watching them chant "toys, toys, toys" XD

Posted using TxtLJ

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 18:12:24 GMT

drawing, fishing/frog catching, strawberry marshmallow smores, top bunk, paddleboating, blue raspberry slushee, driving the truck around the lake. XP

Posted using TxtLJ

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 19:14:20 GMT

ah yah. sounds cool . have fun

Posted using TxtLJ

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 18:33:02 GMT

haha i was counting on it. cool =) played tennis really early this morning. what movie do you wanna watch?

Posted using TxtLJ

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 18:26:36 GMT

heading to stingray bay for swimming. and volleyball later in the backyard. aaron, if you're reading, how are you spending your sunday?

Posted using TxtLJ

Sat, 16 Aug 2008 19:13:21 GMT

chi-town. air force flying faster than the speed of sound. jet engines so friggin loud theyre worse than being next to the speakers at a rock concert.

it's plain to see rapture inside of me

Tue, 29 Jul 2008 05:14:23 GMT

The strongest feelings a person can feel are the ones that can't be written down. Even if angels carried quills, if harpies had Sharpies(TM)...they wouldn't be able to capture the intense emotion that cannot be contained within paragraphs and pages.

That's why they sing. When people sing, they convey passion through their eyes, the nervous quivering of their lips. When people sing, it becomes difficult to feign what they don't feel inside. The lyrics express so much emotion, whether it be excitement or embarrassment or anger. And the meaning of the lyrics are only magnified when a melody is added -- a melody that makes sense. A melody that perfectly fits, complements the tone of the words themselves. No matter how beautiful the music is, no matter how inspiring the words are, the most important part of the song is the singer who gives new life to the song every time she sings it. She is the one who gives it shape and form. She can make it as free and expressive as she cares. She can add her own personal touch to the song and make it her own so that no other singer can make it sound just like the way she does.

A ballad. An aria. A simple serenade. We take them for granted when they are the most powerful forms of communication. Think about it. When a certain song from your childhood starts playing on the radio, doesn't it bring back memories in a split second that you buried years ago? When a singer just blows you away with his or her voice, doesn't it leave you almost speechless (the only thing you can say to yourself is "Wow. I really liked that. I don't know why; it just made me feel good.")?

I once considered taking Music as my major in college...even getting a Master's Degree in Music. But now I think that's a bit arrogant. For music is true passion. Music is suffering, music is devotion, music is revenge. And no one should be so up in herself to be referred as "Master of All Emotion You'll Ever Dare to Feel".

when two hearts race, both of them win

Thu, 24 Jul 2008 03:23:51 GMT

it's all fluff. forgive me.

She sat, looking out the window, her body tense until it collapsed in shaking sobs. Her misty eyes told of all the secrets that raced through her mind. But no one could see them in the darkness. Her eyes and her private thoughts were well hidden from the rest of the world. Her long, dark hair framed her face from all sides, and the only light penetrating the reverent night came from a single firefly, dancing alone in the grass.

As the terrible secrets rushed and clashed and fought in her head, more painful memories pushed themselves to the front of her mind. Thea uncontrollably lunged forward and caught her breath in her throat. She couldn't speak. She couldn't move. A certain Memory forced her to feel helpless again. And that made the tears fall even faster. Hadn't she been tormented enough? Thea already went through this once in real life (and many other times when the Memory relentlessly made appearances in her nightmares). She was sure her heart wouldn't be able to handle It hitting full-force after being reawakened.

Thea shut her eyes as tight as she could -- her only defense against the Memory slowly taking over her spirit.

Posted using TxtLJ

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 01:37:18 GMT

wow. 3 J's, 3 P's, and 2 L's. parents are cruel. note to self: NEVER watch bme pain olympics again.